Arranged Mafia Marriage

“You need to let go of the guilt, Mika, and look forward. Xander is gone, but I am still here and I love you, Mika; I do.”

He winces, then squares his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” He balls his fists at his sides, “All that matters is tracking down the men who did this and making sure that they pay for it.”

“You need revenge. I understand,” I tip up my chin, “but that’s not going to bring back Xander or our child.”

“A few weeks of being with me and you think you know me?”

“I know what’s going to hurt you, Mika, and this…this quest for vengeance will destroy whatever you have left. It will destroy us.”

He chuckles, “There is no more us, Karma, can’t you understand that?”

“No,” I tuck my elbows into my sides, “but what I do understand is that you are hurting and lashing out. And you think if you sever your connection with me-which, by the way, you can’t-but you think if you cut all ties with me, I am going to be safe, and you’re wrong.”

“Oh?”

I nod, “It doesn’t work that way, Mika. It’s not you, it’s the lifestyle you are in that was bound to backfire on you some day. And it did.”

He scoffs, “You going to lecture me about my beliefs and my values now?”

I shake my head, “No, of course, not. If anyone can understand the pull of the dark side, it’s me, Michael. It’s why we are so well-suited.”

“It’s why you are lying here on a hospital bed, having lost our child.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “You are trying to hurt me, Michael, and it’s because you are in so much pain right now. Why can’t you share it with me? Why can’t you lean on me? Why can’t you allow me to lean on you, when I need it the most right now?”

“Because. I. Can’t.” His voice is so anguished, so full of torment that I snap my eyes open.

“Michael, please don’t do this,” I beg. “Don’t leave me; not now.”

“You are free to go back to your family.” He looks everywhere but at my face. “I’ll make sure to tell Antonio to help you with any arrangements.”

He turns to leave and I call out, “I am not going anywhere.”

He freezes.

“You heard me, Michael. This is my home, I am your wife, and I am not leaving. Not when you need me more than anything. Not when we need each other.”

He shakes his head, “Your choice. If you prefer to stay in Palermo, that can be arranged too.”

He stalks forward, and I stare at his retreating back. Shit, shit, shit, what do I do now? How can I make sure to have some form of contact with him? What can I do to make sure that he doesn’t just disappear after this?

“The Christmas party,” I cry out, “I want to go ahead with the event.”

He turns abruptly and his gaze bores into me. “Xander is gone and you want to go ahead with the festivities?”

I flinch. “He’d have wanted it. He’d have hated for us to be unhappy and mourning him.”Please check at N/ôvel(D)rama.Org.

He hesitates. “In Sicily, we mourn for at least a month in the period following a death. Celebrations are normally cancelled, or at the very least, conducted in a somber setting.”

“I understand,” I glance away, then back at him. “We needn’t have a party on the scale I’d planned for, but maybe something in a smaller setting? Xander would have wanted us to celebrate his life.” I tip up my chin, “You know I am right, Mika.”

Michael jerks his chin. “Fine,” he tilts his head, “you can stay until the Christmas party, and then I am sending you back home.”

And then he’s gone.

Michael

What the hell is wrong with me? I had wanted to haul her into my arms, comfort her about our loss, hold her close and tell her that it was okay, that she was still alive and that’s what really mattered. But something inside of me had hardened, and I hadn’t been able to lower the barriers enough to tell her.

It’s as if Xander’s death crushed every last emotion that had sprung to life since I met her. He is gone, my child will never be born, and the only thing that matters to me now is to make sure that she is safe. It’s why I want to send her away, far from here, away from my influence, where my presence can’t taint her, where the company I keep can’t endanger her. Where my way of life will no longer cause her harm. It is the only way to ensure that she will never have to go through this kind of loss again.

She deserves better than me. She deserves someone who is on the right side of the law, who can give her security and safety, and keep her shielded from the darkness in which I spend so much of my time. She deserves more, so much more. Everything that I can’t give her. It’s why I have to let her go.

And yet, when she’d asked me about the Christmas festivities, I hadn’t been able to refuse her. She’d been right-Xander would not have wanted us to grieve his absence. He’d have wanted us to remember him with happiness, wanted us to have a good time as we indulge ourselves in his memory. It’s why I had given in to her request, and the Christmas party will take place as planned…

First though, I have to get through the funeral.

It’s been three days since I left her at the hospital and returned home. I’d gotten on the phone and made arrangements for Xander’s funeral. My brothers had offered to help but I had refused. This is something I have to do by myself.