Breaking Rules

I am inside the CAS main library, the College of Arts and Science Library. Unlike the library I went to last week, I like it more here since the ambiance is more comfortable. There are a lot of students here too. And that makes me feel more nervous. Some of them are busy but almost everyone is looking at me. Watching me intently as if I’ll do anything wrong. I bowed my head in embarrassment while going to the end of the library. The table in there was hidden from the other student. I mean it’s far away from the other students. And here we go again, hay. From the beginning, no one wants to talk to me. Ever since I’m young, people treated me like this, because they thought that I’m not like them. Well, I think of that too. Who would want to be friends with a person like me? I have a disorder and just a few people understand it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me aside from having a disorder that wasn’t even contagious. I mean, I’m okay. I don’t treat people badly. But why do people treat me like this? Why do I treat myself like this? My mother said before that I should just understand them. And that’s what I’m doing right now. Instead of fighting them back, I just stayed silent. I like it that way. I don’t have the guts to fight back, anyway. People often call me a weakling. Because that’s what I am. A loud group caught my attention, they are talking about certain stuff like a party. I have this thing of being easily distracted. “Jeanne, did you hear the news?” “What news?” I saw a  petite woman. She’s busy playing games on her phone. “The triplets are going to have a party in June.” “That’s five months away from now,” “But really? Isn’t a rumor just like before?” “Yes, it is really true this time. And I also heard that every student here in San Albereda University is invited.” “Is that even possible? I mean there’s a lot of students here in SAU.” “Oh come on, girl, not all students are available at that particular time. And hello, we’re talking about Galdevero triplets. It’s not like you don’t know how rich they are!” “Oh yeah, that’s right. But what was the party for?” “It was a celebration, for Azel, his bar examination is coming, y’know. I think it’s in July.” “Oh? It’s a good luck party then.” “Sort of,” the girl shrugged but I can see that she was excited about this party they were talking about. My lips formed a smile, but it wasn’t like I’m happy to hear that. Of course, everyone’s invited, except for me. I bit my lower lip and shook my head off gently before continuing to read the artbook. As I start reading the book, something flashes in my mind. I immediately take it out of my mind. Why would I think about that thing, that man? But I just can’t stop myself from thinking about the man who I helped the last week. I wonder where he is now. He just left without giving me a notice. But other than that I can’t still forget the fear I feel every time I remember the man I helped before. Sighing heavily, I tried to get the thought off my mind. I should stop thinking about that guy. He can take care of himself. And I just hoped that our paths will never cross again. Because up until now, I can’t still forget what happened on that night. It keeps creeping my mind out. My hand suddenly went to the side of my neck, where the man left a mark on me. The wound heals but it left a scar. It left a scar not just on my skin but also on my whole system. And it’s giving me chills, cause I keep thinking about it. It was like he leaves a mark there to make me feel like he owns me. And I don’t know what to feel because of that, fears still linger on me. After staying in the library for a couple of hours, I immediately went to my next class. But my mind is preoccupied, I don’t even know what the professor is talking about. I was just looking at her like I’m really listening but the truth is I’m not. My mind still flies to that man. His face keeps flashing in my mind. But why? “Okay, see you when I see you, class.” Everybody greeted her goodbye. I just stood up and bow my head as a sign of respect. I can’t talk. Well, I can but I couldn’t. I went to the College of Arts and Science library again. But as I was walking towards it, I accidentally overheard a conversation. “What is it this time Nazarel?” My eyes widened when I heard a very familiar low voice. That was from the man I had helped before. My eyes widened. It means he’s also studying here at San Albereda University. I was suddenly nervous at the thought of that. The thought of him studying at the same university as mine felt so dangerous. I feel and I want to change the school I am attending. But that’s too ridiculous. “How’s your plan going on?” I felt chills on my vines when I heard another voice. Compared to the man I helped before, that voice was even more frightening. No emotion can be traced in the voice coming from that certain man. Cold is an understatement. That voice wasn’t just cold. It was screaming the word of death. It’s as if when you make a mistake, he could do something he won’t ever gonna regret. “Done. I already did what you want me to do.” “Good. How about the other thing?” “It’s over. Samael did all the work.” I don’t know but I feel like I want to get out of there. It was so wrong hearing them talk.

“Why Samael? I told you to do it.” “Yeah, but I have readings that day.” “Readings, yeah, whatever. Give your best in being a criminal lawyer, Azazel. We could use that on our Casa.” “I know. Get lost now, I’m busy.” “Good luck fucking your books.” “Tch. Fuck your films and fuck some girls, Nazarel.” Someone suddenly laughed but it wasn’t a good laugh to hear. It’s too chilling. “I don’t fuck. I kill.” To my great surprise from what I heard, my hands shake which made me let go of the book I was holding. My whole body shook in fear. I immediately get my book on the floor. And before they knew that I was listening to them, I had already run. I just ran away from there like it was a matter of life and death.

 Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

When I got away, I stopped running. I sighed in relief. That was close. Fortunately, I left before they saw me. I decided to go into the field, and some of the students are looking at me. I bowed my head in embarrassment until I reached a bench. I sat there and looked around. A lot of students are walking. I pulled out my sketch pad and graphite pencil. And hid the book I’m holding in my bag. I’ve started drawing people I see walking around. While I was busy drawing, I just realized that I’m actually in front of the Law Building. Some of them are in casual clothes while the others are in their formal attire. I stared at them for a moment, they looked like so well-respected people. It suits them well. I slightly smiled. While I was doing my hobby, I stilled on my seat when my eyes caught someone. My lips parted and my eyes widened. I saw the man I helped leaning at the entrance of the Law Building. Some books are in his left hand while his other hand is inside his pocket. I swallowed hard when I saw how the side of his lips rose. He even licked his lower lip. He tilted his head as if he were studying my whole body. I was wearing a white long dress, the hem of my dress was already touching the grass. He was only a few meters away from me. I can clearly see him. His hand on his pockets played with his lips. I swallowed again by the way he stared at me. Just a few minutes later, he left leaving me so dumbfounded, the growing fear in me still couldn’t be abolished from my chest. I started drawing again and tried the man out of my mind. But I trembled, even more, when I heard a familiar woman’s voice. It was as if I’m stuck in my seat. I stopped drawing and didn’t move any single muscle. “Are you really going to seduce Azel, Eyla?” I heard the other girl say. “Of course, I would gladly be impregnated by him.” And they laughed as the girl named Eyla said those words. They were the women who threatened me in the library. I didn’t know that they will be here. I plan to avoid them as much as possible, but it seems that the world is really bringing us closer. “Girl, I’m telling you, you might just get turned down.” “Look, I’m Eyla Fuenteluna and no one’s gonna dare to turn me down,” I even saw her grin. She’s beautiful, if ever she will try to join a beauty pageant, I’m sure she’s going to win the crown. I swallowed and adjusted my glass. I even grabbed my somewhat curly hair and placed it on the side of my right neck. I hid my face even more with my sketch pad. But I’m not very lucky though, they still caught me. “And what a girl like you is doing here in front of the Law Building, huh?” one of Eyla’s friends asked. Eyla walked toward me, she looked from head to toes. I was wearing a very long white dress, the length of my dress is up to my toes and I partnered it with simple white slippers. I stood up and bow my body and head repeatedly as a sign of asking for forgiveness. My hands are shaking while holding my sketch pad. Eyla grabbed my hair while I’m still bowing. She let me look at her. And again, I saw her eyes, it was full of irritation for me. The sketch pad I was holding fell to the ground and my tears started welling up. I don’t want this, I felt so helpless. I want to run away from them but I can’t. “Are you here for Azel?” I shook my head. I don’t even know who Azel is. I don’t have many friends here at San Albereda University. No one wants to be friends with me because of my disorder. “Liar, I know you are here for him.” I shook my head again, I whimpered in pain as she tightened his grip on my hair “Bitch, Azel won’t pay attention to you. He doesn’t like girls like you.” “L-Let m-me g-go p-p-please,” even though I don’t want to talk, I had to. Some of the students are already looking at us. They are mocking me, they look like any moment, and they are going to laugh at me. “Oh, are you scared little trash kitten? Poor you, you deserve this. Didn’t I tell you that when we meet I’ll do worse than I did to you?” She let go of my hair but slapped me hard. I felt tears coming out of my eyes. I cried, even more, when she slapped me repeatedly. She even scratched my face. I shook at her, begging her to stop, but she just slapped me again. I closed my eyes and waited for another slap when I didn’t feel any. I slowly opened my eyes and I saw a man holding Eyla’s pulse. “Leave.” The voice gives me chills, it was so cold. That was the other voice that I heard earlier. Eyla and her friends left. As well as those who watched us earlier. The stranger who helped me went in my direction. He looks like the man who I helped with last week but I know he’s not that man. He helped me to stand up. He even carries my bag and sketch pad as we walk toward the clinic. The nurse approached us immediately, she made me sit on the clinic bed there. The nurse asked me what happened but I didn’t talk. So the guy who helped me is the one who talks to me. The nurse aids me while the guy is busy on his phone. Suddenly, his phone rang. He immediately answers the call. “Fuck you,” I swallowed at what the man said. “Whatever. Just shut up, Samael.” The guy looked at me coldly. I saw his eyes, it was gray but with a touch of green. He looks like the one I helped before. But there is still a difference in their face, he looks more rough and dark. I averted my eyes and played with my hand. He was more frightening than the man I helped. Then I remembered what he said earlier. With every word he uttered, there was no trace of a joke there. That is pure truth. “What ?! The fuck you talking about? Didn’t I tell you to watch over? Fuck, I’m going there.” I looked again at the guy. He looked at me and shook his head before finally leaving. The nurse is still not done with me. I stayed there for a few more minutes before I finally got out of the clinic. I can’t imagine how I would feel when I left San Albereda University. Almost all the students were staring at me. They look like they want to ask me for something. I just walked fast. No one dared to approach me. I was just walking home to my apartment. It was hard for me to communicate with others. So I decided to just walk from here to my apartment. I have a bike but it’s still not fixed. I still have to buy parts, it’s just that I don’t have any money yet because I haven’t been paid for my part-time job. I was okay in walking from San Albereda University but not until I felt someone is following me. My heart beats erratically and made walked fast. I almost stumbled in so much hurry. I was so scared that I can’t stop myself from trembling in fear. I grabbed my bag in no time. I kept running until I lose my balance. My white dress was slightly ripped and dirty. I stood up and was appalled to see a cute puppy. It’s a Siberian husky, my lips parted. Then I smiled and walked towards the Siberian husky. He’s cute. I shook his head and he looked happy there so he jumped towards me. He licked my face which made me laugh. I want a dog. “C-C-C-Cute p-p-puppy.” But I’m sure someone owns it. And I wasn’t even wrong because I saw the puppy wearing a dog tag. “Azi?” I asked as I looked at the puppy. I search the place with my eyes to find the owner but saw nothing. I bit my lips before carrying the dog. I took him home to the apartment. Fortunately, the puppy could stay in my apartment. I placed the puppy on my couch. I patted its head. Azi is so cute. “Azi,” the puppy barked at me which made me smile. Does the owner of this dog named Azi? Or it’s the dog’s name? I shrugged off before sitting on the couch and placing the dog on my lap. “Azi,” I repeated. I’m gonna call him, Azi for now. I get excited every time I go home and saw Azi who is always waiting for me. to come home. He often barked especially when I just arrived from San Albereda University. I smiled as I think of my baby Azi. I am currently inside the library. As usual, I was reading a book. But this time, it’s not an educational book. I was reading a novel. A good novel. Safe Haven. Nicholas Sparks wrote the book. All I know is it also has a movie. Maybe I will watch it too. I was interrupted when I heard a cry. I sighed, I really hate being like this. Quickly lost my attention over something. I shouldn’t have ignored that cry but I got distracted. So out of curiosity, I looked at where it is coming from. “Please, even just for one month. Azel, please, I could give my body to you.” My eyes widened when I saw the man I helped before. He was just looking at the girl crying in front of her. They are far from the students here. “Azel, please, give me a chance. I could pleasure you. I’m good in bed. I have experience. Even just a duck buddy, I could settle with that, please.” The girl even touched him. To my surprise the man violently removed it, and he approached the woman. He pinned her on the shelf. They were inclined over me, I could see how the woman bit her lips. She was looking at the man in front of her with so much lust. Even if I wanted to avoid my gaze on them, I just couldn’t. Something is pushing me to watch them. I saw how he leaned toward the girl. He raised one hand to the shelf. He smirked evilly. While the woman is already parting her lips but can see the pleasure of happiness. A-Are are they going t-to kiss? I sighed at the thought. The man looked at me. He smiled even more, but this time he was smirking at me. “I can hurt a woman, especially in bed …” I scoff again but am unable to avoid them. Our gazes meet. His mouth opened again to speak. “I’m not just a monster in bed, I’m more than that. I’m a devil. I could do things that you would never imagine. Do you want that?” Even though his voice was so cold, it still give a different effect on me. The way he said those words felt so sensual. And as he looked at me, it was as if he was saying those words for me. My stomach tickled as I stared at him. While we are looking at each other. There is agitation in my chest but there are also emotions I can’t name. My breathing became heavier. “Yes. I want that. I want you. He smiled again then looked at the woman. He stroked the woman’s cheek with one hand. It went down the woman’s neck, at first he was gently caressing it until he gripped it. My eyes widened as he swallowed the woman. The girl tried to get away from his grip but she can’t. I could see the emotionless man looking at him. It was like, it’s a normal thing for him. The woman struggled with him but he let it go. Instead, he strangled the woman even more. He suddenly looked at me. I shivered in fear as I looked at him. He looked back at the woman. “But I don’t want you. I just want to strangle your neck.” He said with a serious tone. “You don’t touch me with your hands, whore. It disgusts me.” I shuddered, I stood up as I watched them. “S-Stop…” He looked at me. I shook my head, telling him to stop. “S-Stop! P-Please, d-don’t.” But he was just looking at me intensely. “S-Stop!” Moments later he released her. The woman was still catching her breath when I shakily get my things. I nervously picked up my belongings. I know, I can feel him staring at me. But I ignored that and left. I didn’t know where I was going but I found myself in the women’s restroom. There are no students there. So I am free to see myself in the wall mirror. I sighed as I looked at my face. I look so pale. My lips are almost white, really pale. I crouch to wash my face with water. I even heard the restroom door open. I didn’t give attention to that. I looked at my reflection again. But I almost shout in nervousness when I saw the man earlier. He was leaning on the door while looking at me. His arms folded over his chest. My breath got heavier, I felt nervous again as I looked at him. So even if I haven’t wiped my face I quickly grabbed my books and bag to the side. And I was about to leave when he pushed me closer to him. My books and bag fell on the floor. He pinned me to the door. I even heard a clicked sound. His hand is on my neck. His grip on it was quite firm. It hurts. And I can feel his breath in my ear. “I want to strangle your neck, you know.” Then his grip on my neck got worse. “I really want to hurt you, Sera.” He called me by my name. How? How did he know my name? My breath got heavier again as he bit my ear like before. But this time, I can feel his tongue kicking it. I felt his other hand on the side of my hips. His face moved away from my ear and looked at me. He’s seriously looking at me now. “Did you think I didn’t know you were listening to us before? You’re listening to us.” I was nervous about what he said. That’s true. “Do you want to be killed?” I quickly shook my head at what he said, he raised his hand holding my hip against the door again. “Then don’t do it again. I might do bad things to you.” In fear, I nodded at him. He smirked at me. He looked down at my neck, which was scarred from the bite. “My mark suits you well,” he said before pulling his body away from me. He freed me from his strangle. He put both hands in his pockets. He read his lips as he looked at me. I automatically put my hand on the mark. I leaned against the wall there. I shuddered as I looked at him. He looked at me coldly. “Be a good girl, amore. You won’t gonna like me if I do something very bad to you, hmm.” He approached me again and leaned toward me. “I’m watching you.” He said before kissing me gently on my cheeks. He opened the door, he looked at me first before finally getting out of the restroom. He shamelessly walked out of the women’s restroom as if he wasn’t afraid of being seen by any student. I slowly sat down on the floor. I tried to catch my breath. What’s happening to me?