COLD TRAP

Chapter 39 

MATTED 

What did I do? 

What have I done? 

What the fuck have I done?! 

I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away from her. I thought I was protecting her, I thought.. God! I thought a lot of things 

But her reaction goes to show that I fucked up in more ways than one. 

Her pained voice still ricochets in my ears. 

“I’m your wife! You don’t like me? You can’t stand me? I get that but I’m still your wille and it was your child that was taken away in that Inhumane mannert it was your wife’s body and soul that was broken and ripped apart! It was I, your wife who needed her husband in her moments of weakness and vulnerability but you weren’t there Matteo.” 

“I hate you so much, Matteo Denaro and I regret everything we’ve done together. I regret letting you touch me with your filthy hands. I hate every breath you take and I hope you die a painful death for everything you’ve put me through.” 

My chest constricts. 

“Look at me, Matteo! God, Matteo! Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you breaking me in this manner! Matteo? Talk to me please. Tell me why you’re pulling me back down when I just got back on my feet.” 

My legs give out on me and I crash on my knees with my palms braced strongly on the floor. I couldn’t even look at her, I couldn’t bring myself 

to look at her. 

Christ! 

I slap myself hard across the face. “You’re a fuck up. I murmur, my whole body trembling, rage and regret coursing through my 

bloodstreams. 

All she wanted was her husband. 

All my wife desired was me and I failed her. 

Cazzol 

How do I make it right? 

How the fuck do I correct my mistake?1 

She hates me now and she made the fact abundantly clear. 

I hear what seems like commotion happening outside the parliament room but i don’t care to pay any attention to it until I start hearing my name as it’s being screamed over and over again. 

“That’s Pablos voice… I murmur as I force myself on my feet, hastily running out of the room. 

“Matteo!” I hear. Again. 

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“What the fuck is goin…shiti Princess!” I crouch down, gripping her chin, shaking her face as I call out her name. My voice hoarse and shaky. 

strained and sore. 

I nod my head toward Alessio and he takes that as a sign to lead the other men outside the building to either reschedule the meeting or finish up with them. My fingers do a quick unbuttoning of Mirabella’s shirt, immediately placing two fingers under her chin to check for a pulse. 

Thank fuck. 

“Jesus, Mirabella. You’ll give me a heart attack at this rate.” I breathe out a sigh of relief and only t then did I take the slightest note of the chaos happening behind me. 

I whip my head around only to find Pablo ramming his clenched fist into his boy’s–Lex’s–face over and over again until the boy is barely conscious. My brows furrow. 

My eyes dart between the boys in my attempt at understanding the commotion but the look in their eyes is all the explanation I need. 

It was him? 

How the fuck did he… 

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I’ll take care of my wife for now and deal with the fucker later. 

“You better make sure he doesn’t get away!” I growl, lifting Mirabella up bridal style, immediately carrying her into our room. 

o my life, a tear My fingers laced with my wife’s as I watch her with soft eyes. I beat myself up for how much she has suffered since coming into n dropping from my eyes and onto the back of her palm. 

My hand delivers gentle strokes to her hair and she lets out a small whimper. I lean down, placing my lips gently on her temple, gaining a gasp from her. 

“Princess, it’s just me.” I murmur. 

“Matteo? What are you doing here?” She attempts retrieving her hand from me but I tighten my grip on her the slightest bit. 

“I should have been here,” I begin my overly rehearsed speech with my nervously trembling lips. “I wanted to be here, to hold your hand and tell you that everything will be fine. To kiss your scars and tell you that I don’t give a fuck about them. To remind you of how much strength you carry because no one could’ve survived what you survived. I wanted to tell you how beautiful you look, how perfect and exquisite, how mesmerizing, I wanted to be here, Mirabella.” 

She sniffles and I wipe her tears off with my 

thumb. 

“Then why weren’t you here?” She questions, voice shaky, lips trembling and tears streaming down her face. 

I hum. “At first I was scared, I was scared that I’d hurt you even more if I came any closer to you. Scared that you wouldn’t want me, scared that you’d blame and resent me for what happened.” I confess and she sits up. Her knees touching mine, both her palms placed flat on my thighs and her beautiful orbs piercing into mine. 

She’s never been able to look into my eyes with so much courage and it’s scaring me 

What is going on in her mind? 

Her dead ice cold iris seems to hold a hard glare on me whilst the green iris has a bit of softness illuminating through it. 

Christ! 

Why does everything about her seem so mysterious? 

I clear my throat and continue. “I wanted to overcome my fear but that day when you asked about the baby,” a shuddered breath wracks through me. “I shattered completely. Guilt weighed heavy in my heart. I should have listened, I should have had even the tiniest bit of patience, I should have come after you the moment you walked out of the room angrily. Those and more were the thoughts that ran through my head day after day and night after night.” 

I exhale exasperatedly. 

“Because of the guilt, I decided that it was best to stay away from you. Reminded myself that all I’ve ever done for you since you married me was to hurt you and for that reason, I’m undeserving of you. But I couldn’t stay away completely so I decided that watching from the shadows was my best option. I watched you sleep, watched you wake up, watched you have your bath as perverted as that may sound.” 

We both let out snorted laughs simultaneously. 

“I watched you cry and I watched you pick yourself up. I watched as you gradually put your broken pieces together and I didn’t want to walk back into your life like a selfish man when I know what I am and what I do to the people in my life. I’m sure Pablo must’ve told you. I’m sure you must’ve heard about my siblings and my previous lover. And now you. I cannot allow myself to be the reason someone else gets hurt 

She shuts her eyes, heaving out a breath. 

“Don’t get me wrong, Mirabella, I need you more than you could ever imagine but I cannot be selfish, so I’m letting you go. I need you to go back to the peaceful, happy and fulfilling life you led before this absurd arrangement. I cannot be selfish.” I mumble the last part to myself 

Mirabella let out a slightly soundless scoff, holding both my hands in hers. “My life was not fulfilling, Matteo, it was everything but. I locked myself up in that laboratory because I was scared of truly living. I was scared of the things that might’ve happened to me if I actually lived the way I wanted. I was trapped by fear until you.” 

She let out a shivered breath and continues. “I might not like my father for a lot of things but I sometimes wish I could show him appreciation for forcing me out of that lab and making me your wife. It’s true that a lot of horrible things have happened since we both married but you taught me to live. You challenged me, gave me something to look forward to, gave me a family and I’ll forever remain grateful for that” 

“Mirabella” I whisper. 

“Matteo, I feel that weight of guilt too. Guilt weighs so heavy in my heart that I’m unable to look mother in the eyes, Julia too. Just like you, wonder how differently things would’ve turned out if I had just listened and obeyed a simple instruction. Father was clear with his words, he made me aware of the danger but I still couldn’t listen, I heard him but I didn’t listen and I definitely did not obey and the guilt of it weighs in my heart. I came into your lives and I took away your father.” 

A strained sob escapes the back of her throat, her forehead immediately landing on my thighs, her body vibrating. “But I did visit father’s grave the other day and spoke to him. Believe me, Matteo, that one visit helped ease my heart the slightest bit. I completely understand the weight of guilt, it picks you up and shatters you into irreparable pieces, It makes you see your own self in a bad light, forces you to speak incorrectly about your character. Makes you feel like a monster. I perfectly understand that feeling.” 

Tears stream down my face because I now realize what my wife is trying to do. 

She’s trying to indirectly let me know that she doesn’t want out of this marriage. 

But I can’t I can’t keep her here with me. 

“Mirabella, please don’t.” I whisper. 

She straightens her back, gently cupping my face. “I don’t want our marriage annulled.” She blurts, “I want to be here with you, but if an annulment is what you truly desire, then I’ll not hold it against you, Matteo. I’ll walk out that door satisfied that I lived, I got a father, a mother and a sister who actually treats me like one. I got a brother too. I walked down the aisle even if it was with a fake name. I experienced the joy of motherhood even if it was for a few hours. I cared for someone deeply and I know that person cares for me too.” 

She shudders and I crane my neck back, my teeth digging viscously into my bottom lip to keep myself from crying 

“So, Matteo, if we end up signing those papers, I’ll feel nothing but gratitude towards you because you helped me live. Gave me a life that satisfied me.” 

I cup her cheeks and my forehead rests on hers as both our eyes stare into each other with intensity. “You know better than anyone that an annulment is the last thing I want but I don’t know how to move forward from this. I don’t know how to make this work especially now that you’ve expressed your hate toward me.” I whisper, my lips inching dangerously close to hers, 

“The things I said earlier were nothing but lies. I was s just an angry woman speaking from a place of anger.” 

“This is a mistake, Mirabella.” 

“Then let us make this mistake, Matteo. If staying with you and making this work is a mistake then I’m willing to make that mistake everyday for the rest of my life. This mistake is the key to our happiness Matteo…give it a chance please.” 

Happiness? 

Happiness. 

I don’t deserve to be happy. 

I’m unworthy. 

I and Mirabella’s lips inch closer and closer and she shuts her eyes in anticipation. 

“You’re their ruin!” 

“The people who love you will end up getting hurt.” 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“I’m sorry, you lost it.” 

I abruptly stand, startling Mirabella as I declare, “this is a mistake. Sign those papers Mirabella.” I spin around on my heels, heading for the door but Mirabella’s voice stops me in my tracks. 

“If you walk out that door, if you turn you 

your back on me one more time Matteo then that’ll be the end. They’ll be no going back.” 

I contemplate and weigh my choices for long minutes as silence ensues. 

Very uncomfortable silence. 

I shake my head. “I’m sorry.” 

And I walk out the door with a heavy heart. 

12:20 Sat, 22 Jun