Chapter-99. Mother-1
[Xanthea]
I stared at Asher, my chest tightening as his words echoed in the air, heavy and inescapable. My mind scrambled to process what he had just said.
"No." The word slipped out, trembling and frail. "That's not... It's not possible."
Asher's gaze remained distant. There was a cruel pity in the way he looked at me, as though he knew the only way to get his words through me was by being blunt, brutal, unmistakably honest. His gaze flicked briefly to the swirling memories of my mother's childhood, projected on the circular cloud that surrounded us like a suffocating shroud.
He didn't acknowledge my denial. Nor did he refute it. Instead, he spoke again, calm and relentless, leaving me to decide for myself what my mother's truth really was.
"Cadence Starsoul was born in Solvaris - the first out of the seven celestial packs. Famously known as the Pack of Light. Born as the beta's daughter, she was brought up in love, luxury and comfort..."
One by one, Asher guided me through my mother's memories. Her carefree childhood unfolded into her rebellious teenage years, seamlessly transitioning into her complex adulthood.
"She was cherished by all, especially Alpha Caelum, the alpha of the Solvaris pack. He considered her as his own daughter. As the youngest prodigy in the field of Celestial healing, she was full of life, curiosity and boundless potential to become whoever she wanted," he continued.
My mother, too, had an eidetic memory like me, which helped her become the youngest healer in the Solvaris pack at the age of twenty-two. And even though her fame reached far and wide, she always seemed dissatisfied.
I had always yearned to know more about my mother, but now that I was, I wished to know less.
I didn't want to learn anything that might challenge the version of her I had formed - the mother I had pieced together from her diaries. The more her memories brought her to life, the more distant she felt from the idealized figure I had created in my mind.
And now, as her idealized image was being dissected before my eyes, I could not bear it.
"Father, this is not enough. I can do so much more, discover so much more. If only I weren't bound by these senseless rules that stifle me at every turn! My growth is being strangled - my potential, wasted!"
My mother would often repeat these words to her father and the Alpha of the pack whenever they tried to stop her research or question her unorthodox methods of treatment.
Her father and Alpha Caelum would dismiss her, brushing off her words as mere childish rebellion. But to my mother, they meant far more. She wasn't just angry; she was suffocating.
She was always seeking more, striving to understand immortals and immortality in ways no one else had. But she was tightly bound by the Celestial laws, forbidding her from experimenting or testing on any living being. But they couldn't stop her from trying, and one event changed the course of her entire life.
With the permission of the parents of a child who failed to activate his immortality genes by the age of six, she secretly tested a few of her unauthorized potions on him. The experiment ended in tragedy, resulting in the child's death.
My mother was immediately taken into custody and brought before the Alpha to face justice. Her father was deeply disappointed by her actions and left her fate in the hands of Alpha Caelum, who could no longer defend my mother's actions. 'You have experimented on a Fortunate and killed him, breaking three most sacred laws of the paradise. One, to never interfere with Fortunates. Two, to never commit murder. And three, to never misuse one's power or knowledge. Your actions have enraged the sanctuaries.' Alpha Caelum addressed my mother in the court of Celestials, dressed in hooded white robes.
"Weak bloods are known as the Fortunates in the Celestial realm," Asher explained. "Unlike in the Infernal realm, they aren't killed or abandoned. Instead, they're taken to special sanctuaries, where they devote themselves to worshiping the Gods and practice chastity until the day they die. Those sanctuaries are strictly governed by priests, who hold significant influence over pack politics."
'But I had permission from the child's parents,' my mother argued, her voice desperate.
'And that is why they will be punished as well,' Alpha Caelum replied coldly. 'As for you, you are hereby expelled from the Solvaris pack - and the Celestial realm.'
My mother looked devastated, but she didn't plead for mercy.
'I accept,' she said brazenly as she strutted out of the court.
With a slow blink, I lowered my gaze, overtaken by an excruciating disappointment.
"Their society views weak bloods as a source of pride," Asher said. "But even in paradise, a Fortunate is forbidden from staying with their family. Just because their system works differently than ours doesn't mean it's any different at its core, any less harsh."
In the memories that followed, I understood what Asher meant.
Alpha Caelum had a son, five years old, who was a weak blood. To prevent him from being sent to the sanctuary, Alpha Caelum had been faking the activation of his immortality genes, deceiving everyone around him. Behind the scenes, he had been working with my mother to find a permanent cure.
After announcing her punishment, Alpha Caelum visited my mother privately.
'Pardon me, Cadence, but such actions can't go unpunished in the Celestial realm. Moreover, heaven can no longer satisfy your curiosities. Like you said, you cannot grow here the way you want to.'
'This is my home. Where am I supposed to go now? What am I supposed to do?'
'I have made this decision in your favor, child. You will begin your life anew in the Infernal realm. The fallen celestials are taken in by the Prime pack. Once you are there, go to Helxton and meet professor Belix. He knows all about you and is eager to take you under his wing. Give him this and tell him I sent you.'
Alpha Caelum handed mother a scroll.
My mother looked at the scroll, confused. 'I do not understand.'
'There are no laws, ethics or morals in hell, Cadence. There, you'll be given full freedom to research however you want, experiment on whoever you want. No restrictions. No consequences. Even though you'll be expelled from paradise, you will have my full support.'
'Why would you do this for me?'
"You're like a daughter to me," Alpha Caelum said, his hand resting gently on my mother's head. "But I have my selfish reasons. I want you to find a cure for my son, and I want you to share your findings, research data, and knowledge with us." My mother agreed.
***
Before my mother fell from paradise, she went through some kind of ritual.
"To become a fallen celestial, a celestial must undergo Severance," Asher explained. "It's a ritual where their divine soul is torn apart from their primary soul. When your mother fell, she left her divine soul behind."
"I-is that how she lost her immortality?" I asked.
"No. Losing one's divine soul means losing the celestial wolf. That doesn't affect immortality," he said.
"So if a celestial loses their divine soul, they become Infernals?" I asked.
"No," Asher corrected. "They remain fallen Celestials, able to enter the Infernal realm without a wolf spirit. Even if they spend the rest of their lives in hell, they never regain a wolf spirit... at least, not naturally. I'm speaking of what generally happens."
"So they could get a wolf spirit?" I asked.
"Like the Celestials say, everything is possible in hell. There are no hard and fast rules here. With the right contract and the right demon, you can have anything you desire. But the price is always your soul. For some, that price is worth their desires. For others, it's not."
"Did my mother..."
"She was too smart to get into a contract with a demon for anything," Asher said. "Instead, she used her knowledge and intellect to catch the attention of the elite in our society. And eventually, she earned my father's confidence as well." I watched the memories unfold, showing my mother at Helxton, where she completed the healer's fast course in just five months - without a healing partner.
There, she gained her healer's license, which allowed her to research further and under the guidance of a certified alchemist, she could even access the confidential knowledge.
It was her first calculated step toward gaining the attention of the elites.
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She became the professors' favorite. Not regulated by ethics or morals, I watched my mother descend into darkness. She stifled her conscience as if she had never had one.
Experimenting on living subjects thrilled her. It was all fun for her. It was astonishing how she remained utterly undisturbed by it all. She justified every action with the belief that it was for the advancement of healing and immortality. 'Thank you for your contribution,' she would say to each test subject before beginning her experiments, always with the same excited tone.
I had already heard those words so many times that it sent sick shivers down my spine every time I heard those words again from her mouth.
Her research was extensive about immortality, where she studied and researched about all kinds of immortality diseases. My mother's diaries flashed through my mind, and suddenly, all that information began making more sense. The spectrum of her test subjects was too broad. From young children to immortals in the later stages of their lives, she experimented on them all for years, pushing boundaries without hesitation or remorse.
No wonder I knew the best treatment plan for the High lady. My mother had already tested it several times on immortals suffering from the same.
I didn't even realize when my mind began absorbing all the information from those memories, each detail sinking deeper into my consciousness.
Asher's gaze softened for a fleeting moment, like he was searching for something in me, but he quickly masked it. His voice, though calm, carried the weight of everything he knew.
"Pursuit of knowledge is as dangerous as it is noble, Xanthea," Asher said, his gaze meeting mine. "Wrong knowledge in the wrong hands has always led to disasters beyond our wildest imagination. And those disasters mostly fall on infernals because all goodness is for the heavens and all evil for hell, even their evil is for us. In their eyes, we'll always be lesser beings."
I lowered my head. Now I understood why Asher was so reluctant to enroll me into Helxton's healer's programme. His warnings and questions hit me with a force that had me trembling to my bones.
"Poison is the nature of a snake, just as evil is ours," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "But is it right to hate, torture, and kill a snake just because that's how the creator made it?"
I looked at Asher, and he held my bleary gaze.
"Never lose sight of your conscience, Xanthea," Asher said, his voice firm yet gentle. "No matter how exciting it gets, no matter what questions it might answer, never lose your heart. Fight for your morals, your ethics. Stand against the world for what's right. I can't explain in words how proud I was seeing you protect those kids. No matter the consequences, save lives, always protect the innocent."
Biting back my tears, I averted my eyes.
My heart raced with a mix of so many emotions it was hard to tell if I was ashamed or proud.
***
The memories flickered, and I saw people, emaciated and broken, their lifeless eyes staring right into my soul, accusing me. My eyes were hollow with terror, but I couldn't look away, even though every part of me wanted to.
My mother mostly made sure her subjects didn't die, but with everything she did to them, death would have been more merciful. She stole their lives without mercy, infecting healthy people with sickness she knew they wouldn't recover from. She took healthy immortals and dissected them, skin to flesh to bone; layer by layer. She cut kids open while they were conscious just to see what effect it would have on their immortality genes activation.
My stomach churned. I shut my eyes. I wanted to scream, to look away, but I had to understand what I was tied to.
Clenching my jaws, I forced myself to look at the memories again. I felt so dissociated that I made myself believe that the woman in these memories wasn't my mother.
And as soon as I did that, the pain throbbing in my body was overwhelmed by rage and sheer disgust.
She'd starve kids emotionally and mentally by isolating them and then she'd give them a pet or a playmate and just when they developed attachment with their playmates, she would starve them physically and push her subjects until either they became living corpses or killed their playmates and gobbled them up.
Slowly, her memories broke into fragments, as though my mother's world was constantly shaking under the flickering lights. She no longer looked excited, no longer thanked her subjects. Her bloodied hands grabbed bodies as though they were nothing more than tools - some inanimate objects.
There were glimpses and unfinished sentences. Lifeless body of a child, probably a weak blood.
'Another disappointm-'
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Peeled skin. Severed muscles.
'Burn him, prepare the other-'
Eyeballs leaking from the eye sockets. People struggling as her helpers stuffed clothes in their mouth to muffle their groans. 'Prepare the other-'
'This isn't working? Where am I going wrong? What is all this even worth-'
She didn't just research immortality - she twisted it, bent it to her will, corrupting everything and everyone she touched.
I could smell the pungent scent of burning flesh and hear the cracks of shattering bones.
I watched her tower over her victims, and her memories shook into blurs-
I clenched my shaking fists, looking away, unable to bear the memories playing before me. My heart ripped apart at every screech and cry of her subjects. Most of them were... kids who had recently activated their immortality genes or the ones who didn't.
And then it hit me - the truth I was trying to run from. These weren't just victims of some disturbing experiments. These were all my mother's victims.
I stumbled back, tears burning my eyes. Haunted by the children's cries and screams, I turned my back towards the memories covering my ears, barely breathing.
I clawed at my skin, as if I could peel away the part of me that carried her blood. But nothing worked. It wouldn't go away. I could no longer unsee it or deny it... I had to live my whole life with this dark truth. I had a photographic memory, so even when I didn't want to, all these memories were going to stay with me forever.
Amidst the storm of shrieks echoing in my head and the din of my breaths getting unbearably louder, I heard a whisper.
"You are not her. You are not your mother, Xanthea. You are not her mistake. Her reality is not your truth."
Asher's hands were on my hands that covered my ears as he looked into my eyes.
"Asher... I can't do this anymore. I can't... no more..."
Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me into his warm embrace. I shut my eyes, burying my face in his chest as I hugged him back tighter.Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!
Asher was doing something, because every time he touched me, he caressed away the pain. The crushing weight of my emotions became bearable again, as though he was taking my wounds upon himself - the scars and anguish that would have otherwise pushed me to the brink of insanity.
"This can't be her. My mother, she was.." my voice cracked with fury. "This woman is not my mother."
"I understand, Xanthea..."
"No. No! You don't. This is not the mother I know... she wouldn't... she didn't do these things. Not to children... not like this... she can never! Never-"
"I wish I could lie to you and say that this isn't your mother, that none of this ever happened-"
"I just... want to wake up from this nightmare," I clenched the front of his overcoat, peering into his eyes.
"And that is why I'm here with you-"
I took in a shuddering breath.
"If I don't wake up now, I'll never want to wake up at all because I fear what I might wake up to. Who I might wake up to," I whispered, my voice trembling. "With every memory, I'm losing her, Asher. My mother had been the foundation of my life until today. If this foundation crumbles anymore, I'll collapse."
Parting from me, Asher gently wiped off my tears.
"I know it's difficult to let go of a support that held you in your darkest times. But it's time you step out of her shadows..." Licking his lips, he continued. "My brothers need you, Xanthea. Ezra needs you. I need you to cure the curse your mother put upon us because only you can."