PREGNANT AFTER ONE NIGHT STAND

I knew I was being cruel when I spoke to Cedric like that. Even his disappointed expression became the night’s lullaby for me. But what else could I do? I had to talk about it. I couldn’t let myself get carried away. I was already foolish enough to undress in front of him, and then I got carried away by his sweet demeanor.

No, I couldn’t let that happen again.

As soon as I finished talking, Cedric left without saying goodbye. It felt worse than waking up in the middle of the night. I regretted it a bit, but then I thought, why should I regret it? This was what I wanted, right?

Let Krystal be the one to judge me for what happened to me. If Cedric boldly claimed that we were in a relationship and ended up with me being pregnant out of wedlock… ugh, I couldn’t imagine facing Krystal on Monday. Why did Cedric have to talk like that? Was there no other way? And why was he so confident that I was pregnant with his child?

But indeed, it was his child.

I wasn’t an easy woman. Just because Kelvin and Dewa approached me didn’t mean they could freely spend time with me. I often rejected dinner invitations. This was where I was foolish. If I didn’t grant Kelvin and Dewa access, why did I give it to Cedric?

Damn it! Where did my brain go that night? Vodka! Blaming vodka multiple times was useless. It was just my stupid behavior!

Looking at the clock on the wall, it was already 2 a. m. I couldn’t sleep at all. Even after snuggling up with a blanket, drinking warm milk, rubbing my hands and feet with eucalyptus oil, and lighting aroma therapy candles, everything was in vain. I wasn’t even hungry. Snacks didn’t cross my mind.

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Damn it. Why did he keep popping into my head? What was I hoping for? He said he would take responsibility, and I knew from his serious expression that he meant it. But really, this was more than just about responsibility.

My biggest fear was that one day Cedric would leave me. With his child. During that time, there was no guarantee that I wouldn’t fall in love with Cedric. I was sure he cared enough, willing to get involved in small matters. Like earlier, he prepared dinner for me without being asked.

And then there was the matter of the child. Could Cedric raise a child if he truly took on that responsibility? A child required significant expenses, from my calculations. My savings might be enough to put the child through elementary school. What about college? And their life? Their social life?

This was Washington DC. I had emphasized that, right? It wasn’t cheap. Everything was expensive. Especially now that Krystal knew about my situation. What would happen if this fetus kept developing? If Krystal still allowed me to work under her, then what? But if not? My future would be ruined. I couldn’t possibly find a job in this condition, right? Okay, maybe I could ask Krystal not to fire me until the time of delivery. Then what?

Is it easy to find a job in Washington DC? Even though I have substantial experience, it’s not like I’ll be instantly accepted at a new place, right? And what about Cedric? I’m not underestimating him, but… I’m just trying to be realistic.

I don’t want to have a child when I’m not ready. I also don’t want my future child to question where my love for them is. Maybe because I’m too busy making money. Or maybe because I’m selfish and don’t want to be approached, considering them a hindrance to my aspirations.

It’s giving me a headache. I pull the edge of the blanket up to my chest, mumbling prayers and counting sheep. Maybe one of them could make me fall asleep. I don’t want to face Sunday with dark circles under my eyes.

***

“Yeah, one moment.” I feel like cursing anyone who disturbs my morning this week. Even though it’s already 10 in the morning, I still consider it early. The apartment bell rings again. This guest is so impatient. I guess it’s Dona visiting if it’s not Naomi.

A nuisance!

As I expected, there they were, the two people who had been grinning without any clear reason behind my apartment door.

“Oh, a pregnant woman should smile a lot, Anya,” Dona said without beating around the bush. She just entered without waiting for my invitation. The same goes for Naomi. Well… whatever. These two friends of mine can’t seem to leave me alone. So rather than wasting time, I choose to return to the kitchen. Continuing to stir the sweet and sour soup to drizzle over the fried carp for this meal.

“Is Cedric staying over?” Naomi suddenly asked, making me stop my movements.

“What do you mean?”

I hear Naomi let out a soft sigh. “I’m the one who asked him to stay here. To look after you, Anya.”

I can only shake my head in surprise. Am I a baby that needs extra care? No. I see Naomi sitting at the kitchen table. Her eyes don’t wander except towards me. I feel like she’s watching my every move in the kitchen.

“Naomi, I know you mean well. But I feel like that’s crossing some boundaries. I’ve only allowed Cedric to step into my place, you know. And I don’t want him to be too involved in my life.” I slowly pour the sweet and sour sauce. Then, I bring it to the dining table because I feel like I need to eat rice today.

Naomi seems to be listening to my words earlier. Once again, I hear her let out a sigh.

“I love you, Anya. I consider you like a sister. You live alone in Washington DC, with no support system. I also know a bit about your past. Am I wrong for wanting a good guy to look after you?”

I smile sadly. “And you feel… that guy is Cedric?”

Naomi nods without hesitation. “I can see it clearly, you know. Cedric is kind and genuine.”

It’s still not enough for me, Naomi. But I don’t voice my thoughts. I choose to sit and enjoy my meal.

“Did you talk about your pregnancy with Cedric last night?”

I raise my gaze. “Isn’t he already aware that I’m pregnant with his child?”

Naomi gives a small smile. “I mean, did you talk about responsibility?”

Naomi’s nod I accept as an answer.

“I did. But I don’t want it.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t want any responsibility from Cedric. I also don’t want to sacrifice what I’ve achieved all this time, Naomi.”

“Crazy!” The perfect curse comes from Dona’s lips. I don’t know when she sat next to Naomi. Her eyes glare sharply at me. Angry.

“A baby is innocent, Anya! Don’t mess around! Once is enough for you to make a mistake with this baby. Don’t add more by having these crazy intentions!”

I spoon a mouthful of rice and fish. “Who guarantees me that, moving forward, Cedric will be like that? Let’s be realistic.”

Naomi shakes her head in disbelief at what I said, and so does Dona. But my mind is made up. All night I’ve been thinking about the risks and other possibilities. And this is my choice. Exactly as I told Cedric.

“Whatever. Just don’t have any regrets, Anya.”

I’m unprepared for the moment Naomi and Dona choose to leave me while I’m not finished eating. Without saying goodbye.